Our right to two-handed self defense upheld

If I were abducted by aliens (not the illegal kind but the chartreuse ones with a purple eye in the side of their heads) I wouldn't tell anyone. I wouldn't even tell myself.

Unfortunate genes coupled with questionable life choices, has left me uncertain of my perceptions of reality. Somethings just never happened until I have time to verify that I'm not making the whole thing up.

Case in point: The Supreme Court's ruling declaring the 30-year gun ban in Washington D.C. unconstitutional makes about as much sense to me as Congress and the Judiciary allowing this administration to violate, with impunity, almost every other civil liberty we've got, or had, with nary a peep nor a squeak. But, hey, that's just me.

Back to green creatures and incredulity. Justice Scalia writing for the majority, noted that the handgun is Americans' preferred weapon of self-defense in part because it can be pointed at a burglar with one hand while the other hand dials the police.

I know. I know. You need some time to live with the reality of the statement, and who said it. Otherwise, the brain cannot accept the fact that this is a Justice of the Supreme Court and not a writer for The Daily Show.

Picture this. First, assume I do in fact have two hands and am asleep in my bed. I awaken to the sound of breaking glass and realize I'm being burgled.

I creep from my bed, grope under the bed for the shoebox with my gun in it. Now, I have to locate the bullets because I have grandchildren, and what fool keeps a loaded gun under the bed with children around? Well OK, lots of people do, but that's not the point.

The point is, the bullets are in the kitchen along with the burglar, and the phone is in my purse in the living room.

A handgun is the weapon of choice for most Americans because it...can be pointed at a burglar with one hand while the other hand dials the police. I bet even the NRA winced over the lameness of that one.

Sleep tight, Justice.